


Breathren

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brief Gore, Dissasociation, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 06:22:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14038092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: Gabriel has had so much grace drained he’s barely angel anymore. Dehydrated and malnourished, they take him back to the bunker.





	Breathren

Getting him away from Asmodeus turned out to be the easy part. He had seen them and crumbled. His eyes locked on Cas, and he dropped his blade. He fell to the ground, lips grimaced uncomfortably, as they were held together, even as he tried to sob.

They had gotten him out, fought their way past the defenses. And as they drove back to their home, Gabriel clung to Castiel in the back seat. He only let go when they turned to look at him. He sat up straighter and looked away.

They headed inside and Dean got the medical kit. Sam lead him to the table, and he sat down wearily.

“I need to get these stitches out man.” Dean said.

Gabriel looked around, then nodded. He sat his head up straighter and actually squeezed his eyes shut as Dean took the scissors to them. As soon as he was done, Castiel was touching his face, and making the holes disappear.

Gabriel didn’t open his mouth, or even stretch. He just accepted it was done, and dipped his head to Cas. This was even more worrying.

“Do you want a shower?” Sam asked. Gabriel nodded, giving them the first real response to anything since they had found him. He didn’t move to follow Sam though.

“Do you... want something else?” Sam asked. He looked up, and mouthed the word.

“Dean, get his something to drink.” Sam said. Dean walked off to do just that, as Cas sat down beside him.

“Would you like me to heal you?” Cas asked. He started to raise his hand, but Gabriel jumped back. He fell out of his chair and hit the ground, too weak to move.

“Gabriel, it’s ok. You don’t have to be touched.” Sam said quickly. He nodded weakly and this time, as Cas crouched next to him on the ground, he hovered his hand above his body. Sam scrunched his eyebrows as Cas sighed.

“I can’t heal all of this. It was done with special weapons.” Castiel said. Sam nodded.

“Alright, Gabriel, can you get up?” Sam asked, as Dean came back with ice chips and water. He nodded and pushed himself up, straining. As he got to his feet, he held his head to ward off the dizziness.

“Here, try this.” Dean said, handing him a spoon and a cup.

Gabriel took it and spooned the ice into his mouth. It was difficult to not just tip the cup back, but he managed to restrain himself and reach for the water instead. He gulped it so fast it went up his nose, and he began sputtering.

“Ok, why don’t you come get a shower?” Sam asked. He wanted to say yes, or say anything, but he didn’t feel like he could even stand on his own in the shower. Cas must have read his mind or something, because he took over.

“Gabriel, follow me. I can take care of it.” Cas said.

He shakily stood up and trudged after Cas, giving the boys a final look before they headed down the long halls to what could be assumed was Cas’ room. There was an angel blade on the nightstand, next to a picture of Sam and Dean. On the wall, was some landscape painting, nothing outstanding. There was a bookcase in the corner, and a nice green padded chair in the other corner. That seemed to be his only belongings. Somehow, that made it better. It wasn’t overwhelming.

They headed into the bathroom, where Cas turned on the bath water and plugged the drain. He fished under the sink for a moment, before producing a bottle with lavender on the label, and holding it up for him to smell. When he nodded, he poured some into the tub, and set it on the counter.

“Go ahead and get undressed and get in. I’m going to go get a clean cloth and some clothes.” Cas said. Then he was gone, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

It was never good, to be alone. Not after so long. He had started disassociating after the first few years of twenty-four-seven torture. He just let it happen, going blank. He couldn’t feel the blades slicing his skin, or the words they spat at him.

“Gabriel!” Cas yelled.

He blinked and was back. He was against the wall, with his head tucked into his knees, breathing much too hard. The boys had shown up at the commotion and were watching him. At once he felt cornered, with them blocking the door, so he looked away, instead focusing on his brother.

“Cas...” Gabriel choked out, feeling at his lips as if he’d just realized he was able to speak.

“Yes, it’s alright. What happened?” Cas asked. And he couldn’t answer. He couldn’t think in so many words. He just shook his head.

“Lost.”

“He’s having anxiety Cas. It’s alright. He’ll be fine.” Sam spoke up. Thank God for Sam.

“Alright. I can take it from here.” Cas said.

The boys nodded and made their exit, but before Cas could shut the bathroom door, Gabriel made a strangled noise. Cas stopped and instead helped him up with one hand, being careful not to grab him.

“Would you like me to go? Or... I was going to help.” Cas said awkwardly.

He didn’t bother to make Cas leave. Instead he stripped out of his tattered, blood stained clothing, and stepped into the bath, nearly falling as his legs tried to lower him down with no strength left in them.

Cas grabbed the cloth from the counter and dipped it into the soapy water, before lathering it with more soap. Then he raised it for Gabriel to see. He had no energy to give a verbal go-ahead, so he just turned a bit so Cas could start on his back.

Initial contact startled him, but as soon as his body recognized that it wasn’t harmful, he relaxed. The warmth was seeping into his very bones, that he no longer felt was just a vessel. After all, his host was thousands of years gone. All those cold days and nights chained to a ceiling, a wall, in his cell, he sort of wished he had still had someone to talk to. They had stuck needles into his skull, turned off his communication with other angels.

Without realizing, Cas had stopped, and was looking at him. He looked up, and met his eyes. Cas looked concerned, but he didn’t say anything about Gabriel getting lost in his head again, he just rinsed the cloth.

“I need to empty the tub, and start over. You’re... quite filthy.” He said honestly.

It didn’t surprise him. He just nodded and watched as it all happened again. Cas drained the tub, rinsed it with a cup, and filled it again. He added the calming lavender, and started to bathe Gabriel’s legs and feet, before it got too full.

It was the feeling of being bathed, of all things, that got him. He was being taken care of. All of a sudden he was sputtering, and coughing, and there were tears coming down his face, and Cas was rubbing his back, but it wasn’t enough, he needed to be grounded, he needed to know he hadn’t finally cracked. So he leaned out of the tub, and grabbed Cas in a hug, and despite his blood caked hair, and his armpits that hadn’t been washed yet, and the bubbles, Cas just wrapped him up in his arms, just as tight.

“It’s alright. It’s over. You’re safe here. I can ward you, to make you invisible to them, and make it even safer, but it may hurt.” Cas said. Gabriel pulled back and nodded quickly.

“Now?” He asked. He nodded again, and Cas sighed.

“Alright, this is going into your ribs. Take a deep breath.” Cas said.

Gabriel nodded and held his breath. Cas lifted his fingers to Gabriel’s chest, and he clenched his teeth as white hot pain shot through him. It only lasted a few seconds, before Cas was pulling him back in, and he was taking gasping breaths.

“There. You’re as safe as you can be. Gabriel, I need to get your hair clean, and under your arms. Are you alright?” Cas asked. Gabriel pulled back and nodded.

“Alright, hold still.” Cas said, dipping the cup into the water.

Gabriel was beyond happy that Cas had healed him before he did this. From the deeps cuts, to the holes where pins and needles had been pushed into his skull, he could only imagine the pain the would have come from trying to massage his scalp before. But now he found that he was able to relax, even after the third wash, and finally, the brush.

Once again, the water was grimy, so they drained the tub, and filled it one last time with clean water, so he could scrub under his arms, and rinse him off. After he did, Cas held out a hand, and helped him out, handing him a towel.

“Would you like food first, or rest? I imagine you need both.” Cas said. And he couldn’t even help it, his stomach growled. Food. It sounded amazing, even if it was just crackers. He used to enjoy eating, for no reason other than pleasure. Now, his stomach was sunken in and his ribs showed. He needed it.

“I’ll get Dean to make you some rice and tomato soup. It will help hydrate and nourish you.” Cas said. Gabriel nodded, and before Cas could leave, he grabbed his coat.

“Thanks.” He said quietly. His voice was still hoarse, but Cas smiled.

“Of course.” Cas said, making his exit.

Now that he was alone, he did want the door shut. It felt dangerous to leave it open, where anyone could walk in, even if he knew no one would. So he shut it, and looked at the clothes Cas had left. It was just some underwear, socks, grey sweatpants, and a grey t-shirt. He doubted it would fit him even if he were in full health, but he put it all in anyway.

Fully dressed, and sat down on the toilet and waited. He wasn’t sure he fully remembered how to get back out to the main room, and even if he did, he kind of didn’t want to without Cas there. Not that he didn’t trust the boys, but it had been a while. He did happen to trust his brother more than them.

When Cas knocked on the door, Gabriel walked out, and turned out the light behind him. They made their way back to the main area, where Gabriel could sit down in the wooden chairs and wait. Cas pulled a laptop from across the table, and sat down beside him.

“Do you want to watch tv? There’s, ah, there’s this thing. It’s called netflix-” Cas started, but Gabriel shook his head. He wasn’t interested in fictional stories, or historical ones, at the moment. But then, one thing did spark his interest.

“Animals.” Gabriel spoke up.

Cas opened his mouth to say something, but instead just nodded and typed something in. What he pulled up was a documentary on whales, and Gabriel breathed in relief. He hadn’t seen any animals in what felt like forever. It had only been eight years in reality, but the time sort of slipped away into this endless suffering with all the torture.

He got lost in the whales, and their feeding patterns, until Sam and Dean both entered the room, Dean carrying steaming soup, and Sam carrying a glass of water and some pills. Gabriel knew a silent request when he saw one, and just took the pills from Sam and downed them.

“That should help with the pain, maybe. We’re not really sure how far your grace is drained.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded. Dean places the bowl in front of him, and hesitated, before reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder gently. He still sucked in a breath, but when no hit came he relaxed.

“Are you going to be ok?” Dean asked. Gabriel blinked back surprise. Dean was really asking if he was ok? They had both matured, Sam had grown, and both their voices had lowered significantly, but their maturity levels had also matured.

“Thank you.” He said, instead of really answering the question. Dean nodded.

“Thank you.” Dean said back. Gabriel scrunched his eyebrows.

“You went up against your big bad brother for us. You died for it. And... we’ll work out how you got back later. But we never got to thank you.” Dean said. Gabriel blinked back tears. They remembered.

“Sorry, we shouldn’t have brought it up.” Sam said quickly. Gabriel shook his head and cleared his throat.

“Thank you.” He said again, at a loss. He gave them the first smile they had seen since finding him, and all three seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Alright, don’t eat too fast. You’ll make yourself sick. Let us, or Cas, know if there’s anything we can do. I’m headed to bed.” Dean said. Sam nodded along.

“Yeah, I’m worn out too. There’s a whole big bowl of that soup in the fridge, so you can get more if you want.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded.

“Thank you.” Cas said, dipping his head as they made their exit.

With no words left to be said, Gabriel picked up his spoon and started eating. It was just rice in tomato broth but it was the best thing he had ever tasted. He only remembered Deans warning about eating too fast when Cas put a hand over his and gave him a look. He nodded in silent apology and continued more slowly.

As soon as the bowl was empty, and his cup of water was drained, Cas started to ask if he wanted more. Gabriel held up a hand before he could ask. His stomach had shrunken in the time he was held captive. As much as he wanted more, he felt fit to burst as it was. So, Cas carried his dishes to the kitchen, and returned with a cup of water.

“Would you like a room of your own?” Cas asked. Gabriel hesitated, and Cas cleated his throat.

“When I first became human-” Cas started, and Gabriel’s eyes shot up to meet his.

“That’s another story. I’m healed now. Anyway, when I did get to come back here, I stayed in Sams room during the day. He had Netflix on his tv. But during the night, I... stayed with Dean. Sleeping was difficult, with the nightmares. You could stay with one of them. I’m sure it would be alright. Or with me. I don’t sleep, but I kept the room.” Cas said. Gabriel nodded, and held out his hand, a universal lead the way statement.

Cas lead him back to his room, where he tucked the angel blade into the nightstand drawer, and put the glass of water in its place. He pulled back the covers, and motioned for Gabriel to lie down, and he did. The mattress felt amazing against his aching back, his sore ribs, and the long cuts across his body. He knew they would have to be re-cleaned and bandaged in the morning, but right now he didn’t care.

When Cas started to go for the door, Gabriel almost fell out of the bed reaching to grab on to him. Cas nodded in understanding, and grabbed a book from the shelf, before heading to the bed, and laying out on top of the sheets.

“Would you like the light out? I can read in the dark.” Cas said, but Gabriel shook his head. No more darkness. No more dark shadows, only made by flickering torches on the hallway walls. No more screams echoing from-

“Gabriel.” Cas said patiently. Gabriel blinked and took a deep breath. His fists were balled in the sheets.

“We’ll keep the light on.” Cas said. Gabriel nodded and laid back on the pillows. For the first time without just giving out of exhaustion, or going unconscious, he slept willingly.

* * *

Everything hurt. There were long pins in his head, held in place by the metal headgear. He yelled as they were twisted at just the right angle to make him break into a scream. He couldn’t tell who was doing it this time. His vision was too blurry. It could have been Lucifer, or Asmodeus, or a variety of different demons who were assigned the job.

“Ready for another?” They asked. He head swam, and without an answer, they cut another long line down his chest.

“Speak!”

“Fuck you!” Gabriel yelled.

That was it, the last straw. He felt the needle being jabbed through his lips, and he tried to scream, or to get away, but they just held his jaw shut, until it was all the way closed.

“We can just read your mind, pet.” Someone sneered.

Then the whipping came, lashes across his lap, and his shoulders. Then he wasn’t sure how he got there, but the headgear was gone, and he was hanging from his wrists, which were bleeding. Not enough to lose all his blood, but enough to slowly trickle down his arms, into his shirt. His ankles stung too, so he was sure there were cuts there.

The whip, again, again, again, and he tried to cry out, but it was muffled by his stitches. Then the angel blade, cut across his neck, bleeding out just enough grace to make him almost lose consciousness. A few more swipes across his back with the blade, but he no longer felt them.

Next thing he knew he was being tossed into his cell. He hit the ground hard, and his head cracked against the concrete. And with all the strength he could muster he screamed. Suddenly his lips were no longer bound, and he screamed as loud as he could, which wasn’t very loud, but it must have been enough, because he heard a voice calling back to him.

“Gabriel, wake up. Wake up!”

Then he sat up with force, so much that it made his head spin. He was sweating bullets and he was breathing too hard. He really thought he was going to pass out, until he heard footsteps come running from somewhere near him, and he was handed a paper bag. Someone pressed it to his lips, and he didn’t even argue, because he couldn’t make sense of anything.

Then, his breathing slowed. He realized he was crying. He looked around, and Sam and Dean stood in the doorway to Cas’ bedroom. Cas’ bedroom, right. Cas was on the bed, holding the bag to his face. He slowly lowered it, and kept rubbing circles into his back. He hadn’t noticed that before either.

“Real?” He whispered. Cas exchanged a look with them, before looking back to him with new determination.

“We’re all real. And it is really us. You’re still safe.” Cas said.

Gabriel just nodded. He wanted to ask them to prove it. To make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, or it wasn’t a shape shifting trick. Instead, he reached out, and clung to Castiel like a lifeline. He buried his face in Cas’ neck and let tears fall.

Sam sighed somewhere above him and circled around, sitting down on the bed. He put a hand on his back hesitantly, and Gabriel accepted it. It was stranger when Dean sat down next to Cas and did the same, but he accepted that too. They cared.

At some point, the tears stopped, reduced to hiccups he was glad he could make with his mouth open, and sniffling. Sam went and grabbed a box of tissues, bringing it back. Gabriel took them gratefully.

“Sorry.” He choked out.

“No!” They all said at once. Gabriel looked around them.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Sam said.

“Yeah, nightmares happen. And sometimes, they’re real freaking bad, like this one.” Dean said.

“But we’ll get through it. Together.” Cas added. Gabriel nodded.

“So go on, blow your nose, drink this, and lay back down. We’ll still be here when you wake up, good or bad.” Dean said, handing him the glass of water from the nightstand. Gabriel took a few gulps, before handing it back, and blowing his nose. He looked around, before finally just stuffing the tissue in his pocket for later.

“Alright, Sam, you can have the chair, I’ll take the floor.” Dean said.

“No, I should sit on the floor, I’m not going to sleep.” Cas spoke up.

“Well then Sam sleeps with Gabriel, he needs his young back more than me.”

“Dean, I’m four years younger than you.”

“What’s happening?” Gabriel spoke up, making them all turn towards him.

“Figured we could all stick around in here. Until you’re doing better.” Dean said. Gabriel shook his head.

“No, you go rest.” Gabriel said, making them all raise eyebrows and exchange looks.

“Good to hear your voice again.” Cas said. Gabriel nodded, and then shook his head as he realized they were looking for another verbal answer. He touched his lips and looked up.

“It’s gone. Forget. It’s... hard.” Gabriel said. Sam nodded in understanding, and put a hand on his knee.

“We understand. You don’t have to force anything. Take as long as you need.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded and gave him a small smile, as they all got up.

“We’ll head back to bed if you’re sure.” Dean said, standing by the doorway. Gabriel nodded, and they both gave him a small wave as they made their exit, shutting the door behind them.

“I’m sure your injuries are contributing to your dreams. The pain can transfer into nightmares. How about I look you over?” Cas said.

He hadn’t previously addressed the cuts along Gabriels body, but now seemed like as good a time as any. He nodded, and together they headed to the bathroom, where Cas brought out a medical kit from under the sink. It was metal and rusted.

“We’ve restocked.” Cas assures him, at the questioning look.

The process was painful, but not nearly as painful as getting the cuts. With each wound, from small slices on his arms, to the biggest gash ranging from his chest to his upper stomach, Cas cleaned them with alcohol wipes. He pinched apart the skin a bit, to make sure it wouldn’t bleed too much, and didn’t need stitches.

After making sure he was safe from that particular danger, he applied ointment to each cut carefully. On his arms, he used large band-aids. On his torso, a pad the size of his chest went over the slather of ointment, and Cas lifted Gabriels hand to hold it in place, while he wrapped somewhat loose bandage around, just enough to keep it in place while he could still breathe.

He had to admit, just the ointment was already helping, soothing the itch and the burning sensation of an open cut. It felt nice to have the soft bandages around his middle, almost grounding, something to keep him in place by applying some pressure to his skin. He stood up and nodded assurance to Cas, a silent thank you, before he headed back to the bedroom. He still felt bone deep tired.

“You were shivering, when your nightmare started. Is that just a symptom? Or were you cold?” Cas asked.

Gabriel thought about it. He didn’t remember everything from his dream, just that he was reliving it. And those cold, hard, sometimes damp with blood and urine floors of his cell. The cold did strike him. He didn’t like it.

“Gabriel... you’re trembling.” Cas said. Sure enough he looked at his hands, and they were beginning to shake. He shoved them together.

“Cold. Don’t like it.” He said quietly. Cas nodded, and stepped over to a small, pull-open closet. The rickety doors opened, and he pulled down from the shelf a surprisingly clean, modern looking, fuzzy blanket.

“Dean gave this to me. It looks like a cow, I know, but you probably don’t mind.” Cas said.

He didn’t mind. In fact the soft browns and blacks, on white was soothing to look at, and even more soothing to wrap around his shoulders. He climbed into bed like that, and pulled the covers up over him and the blanket. Once again, his eyes drooped.

“I’ll just be here reading.” Cas said, leaning over to pick up his book off the floor. He sat down on the bed and settled, and slowly Gabriel sank into a deep sleep.

* * *

When he woke, he almost panicked. For a brief moment he didn’t remember where he was, but then it all flooded back, and it sank in that maybe this wasn’t some trick. He was still here, still waking up in a soft bed, with a cow pattern blanket around him, and bandages on his body.

Slowly, he sat up, and looked around. The room was as dark as last night, if it even was morning yet. There were no windows or even a clock to be sure. Still, he felt rested, so he got up and padded to the door. He hesitated before opening it because, what if it was a dream? What if he opened it and it was his cell? Still, he cracked it open, and saw nothing but the hallway, and a figure coming towards him.

“Oh, I apologize. You seemed to be waking up, so I went to make you some tea. I quite enjoy it. This is ginger and honey. It should help your throat, and your stomach, so you can handle more solid food.” Cas explained. Gabriel nodded and took the mug. He let the warmth seep into his hands for a moment, before taking a sip.

“Spicy. Forgot.” He said.

“So did I, when I first tried ginger.” Cas said. He lead him out into the main room, where Dean was nursing his third cup of coffee, and Sam was eating a muffin.

“Hey, I made oatmeal muffins, but I added chocolate chips to a few of them. If you want one.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded. It did sound good.

As he sat down, Sam padded off to the kitchen, returning with one of the said muffins, and a glass of what looked to be apple juice. He didn’t even explain he already had tea, just took it gratefully. As he bit into it, he realized how much he had missed chocolate. Even just the small taste reminded him of fun times.

“These are nice.” Gabriel said. Sam chuckled.

“See Dean? He likes my muffins.” Sam said.

“Nothin’ but bran.” Dean grumbled.

“It’s oatmeal.”

“Same thing health dork.” Dean shot back. Gabriel choked on a laugh and they both looked at him.

“You’ve changed.” He said quietly.

“Not much. We’ve gotten a hell of a lot wiser though.” Dean said. Gabriel shook his head, and sipped the tea.

“You... care.” He said finally. Cas nodded.

“Like he said, they’ve gotten wiser.” Cas said.

“Yeah, listen, I’m sorry. For how we treated you. I mean after what you did to Dean, to me, to us, we... really resented you. But then you sacrificed yourself for us. No one but family does that.” Sam said.

“Yeah, and you’re Cas’ family anyway. So you’re our family.” Dean said. Gabriel smiled, and took another bite of his muffin, then looked to Cas. He just smiled back.

* * *

After a day of somewhat bland food, and tv, it was time for actual rest. He had watch documentaries about animals all day, and yet he was still tired. As soon as his eyes shut he knew it would be a bad night. Cas’ room was great, but it had setbacks. One being, they were in an underground bunker and Cas had no reason to need a heater. He tossed and turned, before getting up completely.

“Gabriel-”

“I need to... walk.” Gabriel said. Cas nodded and got up, pulling the cow blanket from the bed. He wrapped it around Gabriel’s shoulders, and he didn’t argue.

“Just... call if you need anything.” Cas said. Gabriel nodded and stepped out of the room, leaving the door open a crack so they could hear each other.

As soon as he was out, he had no real plan except to find heat. The kitchen was sometimes warm, but only when they were cooking, and not very comfortable anyway. And then he passed a door, and the most wonderful heat crept out by his feet, and he stopped in his tracks.

There was a heater in there. He had to go in. He almost did, before his brain caught up and he realized someone must be in there. Instead he knocked, and he heard a tv pause, and steps head to the door. He knew it was a gamble which brother he got, but he couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset it was Dean, when the heat radiated out towards him.

“Gabriel.”

“The heater.” He said quickly.

“What? Oh, yeah.” Dean stepped to the side, showing him the small furnace shaped box.

“Can I stay here?” He asked quietly, and Dean opened and shut his mouth before coming up with an answer.

“I got to sleep, so...”

“I know.” Gabriel said, and Dean just sighed and waved him in.

“I usually take the right, so you can have the left. Do you want, like, a pillow between us, or do you want the contact, like Cas did?” Dean asked. Gabriel blinked back surprise at the fact that Dean would openly admit to being in close contact with Cas, in bed, but he didn’t say anything.

“I don’t care.” He said.

Dean nodded and ignored the pillow idea, instead climbing back into bed and hitting the power on the tv. He slid some headphones on, and rolled over, as Gabriel tucked himself into the other side.

“Night.” Dean said, reaching up and cutting the lamp light. And he couldn’t say it didn’t startle him, the silence, and the darkness, but the heat put him at ease, his body recognizing it wasn’t in that cell anymore, and before he could think too hard on it, he was falling asleep.

* * *

Instead of the usual cell, he was back in purgatory. He had first woken up here, after dying. He recognized the dreary atmosphere, and the deadness that the woods held. It was never really day, or night. Just a perpetual slightly dark. He couldn’t tell where he was. Everything was confusing.

In fact, his head was spinning. He felt too dizzy. Something wasn’t right. Why was he so warm? He was dead. He shouldn’t feel warmth unless- blood. Right. He was bleeding. He was laying in it. He picked up his hands and saw the stickiness. But where- his chest. His throat. His leg. He could feel it gushing out, all over. 

Something was still wrong. His leg. Oh god. Something was eating him. He could hear it chewing. He felt sick. He felt hot. He felt-

“Gabriel.”

He bolted upright. He felt sick. Incredibly sick. He looked at Dean frantically, covering his mouth, and Dean bolted when he realized Gabriel wasn’t just crying. He handed him a trash can, and Gabriel grabbed it right, breathing through his nose.

Nothing happened. He sat there, drooling and dizzy, but not actually vomiting. Then the tears came. He remembered. The werewolf that was hungry, and didn’t care what organ it took. It ate his leg. He passed out, and when he woke, he was fine again. Something about the way angels healed. Nothing but the sticky blood and the memory remained.

“How did you do it?” Gabriel rasped. Dean shook his head in confusion.

“Do what?”

“Hell. Purgatory. I did too- then I was back, and I heard- forty years. Forty years! And purgatory!” Gabriel cried, and suddenly he was bawling, and Dean was rubbing his back, and talking to him, but he only registered a few words. How it was going to be ok.

“This happened to me too.” Dean said. It snapped Gabriel free of his thoughts.

“What?”

“I wasn’t this... vocal. I didn’t wake up screaming, or throwing up. But I had nightmares. For a long time. I still do. It never really goes away, Sam will tell you that. But it gets better. Easier to tell when you’re just dreaming. Easier to wake yourself up. That’s a skill I learned a while ago.” Dean explained. Gabriel nodded.

“But how did you do it?” Gabriel asked. Dean took a deep breath.

“Hell was... hell. I don’t like to think about it too much. I did... awful things. But Cas, he got me. Brought me back. And Purgatory... I had Cas again. I lost him, for a while, but this guy, Benny, he helped me find him. And we stuck together. We slept in shifts, or together, while Benny stayed awake. And we defended each other. Then, he got me out.” Dean said.

“How?”

“Well... my brain actually denied it. He didn’t think he deserved to be saved, or some crap. The way I remember it, I lost my grip on his hand, and he just didn’t make it through the gate. But what he showed me? He pushed me through. He saved me, and then, when I was out, I just... saw him everywhere. I don’t know if it was all real or if I imagined most of it, but he did show up, eventually.” Dean explained. Gabriel nodded.

“You had help.” He said quietly.

“Yeah. Did you?” Dean asked. Gabriel shook his head.

“I’m sorry.” Dean said regretfully. Gabriel nodded and sniffed.

“Do you want some nausea medicine? Sam got a nasty bug a while ago and we got some.” Dean said.

Gabriel nodded again, and Dean got up out of bed. He headed to the bathroom, rummaging through the cabinets, and turning on the sink, before coming back with a small paper cup of water and a pill. Gabriel took it gratefully, and swallowed it. Dean nodded, satisfied, and took the trash bin from him, putting it on the floor next to the bed.

“Do you think you can go back to sleep?” Dean asked.

“No.” Gabriel said honestly.

“That’s alright. You actually slept for a good long time before the nightmare. It’s about six now. I’m not one for getting up early, but I guess I could make an exception.” Dean said. And it made Gabriel give up a small smile.

“Thanks.” He said.

“It’s nothing. Come on, let’s figure out if we have any pancake mix in this joint.”

* * *

Over the next few days, Gabriel had better sleep. It was refreshing. But one night was particularly bad. He now knew Deans room was too warm, but he was again cold. He tossed and turned, before giving up, and traveled to the last room he could think of. Sams room.

As soon as he knocked, fast footsteps approached. He must have thought something was wrong. When he opened it, and Gabriel was there, wrapped in Cas’ fuzzy blanket, he slightly relaxed.

“What’s up? It’s pretty late.” Sam said.

“I’m... cold. Can’t sleep.” Gabriel said.

“Oh. What can I do? You want an extra blanket?” Sam asked.

“Can I come in?” He asked. A look of realization passed Sams face and he ushered him in immediately.

“Get comfy. I was just reading, if that’s ok.”

“Yeah, I like the light.” Gabriel said.

He climbed into the big bed, and wrapped the covers up around him. Sams room was a bit warmer, but not nearly like Deans. He apparently didn’t need a heater. And he could see why as soon as Sam climbed back into the bed. He was like a damn furnace himself. He radiated pleasant heat.

Gabriel found himself getting sleepy already, and ended up curling closer to Sams side. He just chuckled and flipped a page in his book.

“Night Gabe.” He said quietly.

* * *

He was in a beach. A nice, wide beach, with white sand, that lead into a lake. Surrounding the area were trees in various states of decay, red and orange leaves mixing with the evergreens. Before he could appreciate the beauty, someone tapped his shoulder.

And it was him. Asmodeus was there. And then there was a ringing in his ears, and he realized it was angels. And he fell to the ground, putting hands over his ears. And he felt a foot on the back of his head, pressing his face into the ground.

“Good pet.” He said, and it echoed in a strange way, and Gabriel liked nothing about it. And then he heard a voice calling him.

“It’s alright. It’s not real. You’re just dreaming.”

His eyes opened wearily. Sam had a hand in his hair, rubbing gently, and tears were coming down Gabriel’s face. He didn’t feel scared. Just unbelievably defeated. He felt sad. He felt hopeless. On instinct he reached out to grasp at Sams arm weakly, and Sam pulled him into a hug.

“It’s alright. It was just a dream.” Sam repeated. Gabriel nodded and took in deep breaths. He was right. He wasn’t there anymore.

“Why my hair?” Gabriel asked quietly, hoping to change the subject his mind was set on, and with a lack of anything better to say.

“Dean used to do that to my hair when I had nightmares as a kid. It woke me up without being startling. Did it work?” Sam asked. Gabriel nodded.

“Is that weird?” Sam questioned.

“Not as weird as your brother doing it.” Gabriel mumbled into Sams shoulder. Sam gave a surprised laugh, and nodded.

“Yeah, I guess with how much you know Dean, that does seem weird of him to do.” Sam said.

“Can I know more?” Gabriel asked. Sam nodded, before he realized Gabriel couldn’t see, with the way he was pressed into his chest.

“How about I just tell you some stories until you fall asleep again?” Sam suggested. Gabriel nodded, and Sam cleared his throat, as Gabriel’s hiccups subsided.

“There was this one time, we dressed as super heroes, and jumped off the roof of a shed to see if we could fly.”

* * *

Gabriel woke with Sams arms around his middle, and his head tucked into Gabriel neck. It was pleasant, just warm enough, and he was content to not move for a while, until Sam spoke up.

“Morning.” He said sleepily.

“Sorry-” Gabriel started, but Sam stopped him before he could move away.

“Don’t worry, we just never moved last night. Not your fault. I didn’t want to wake you up by moving. I’m just glad you slept ok.” Sam said.

“Yeah.” Gabriel agreed. Sam sat up, stretching, before throwing off his side of the covers.

“You want some eggs and ham?” Sam asked. Gabriel bit his lip.

“Bacon?”

“Well, it’s probably not the best for your stomach after not eating for so long, but it’ll also probably be fine.” Sam chuckled, heading towards the door. Gabriel got up and followed him, and let him lead the way to the kitchen.

“I got to start the coffee for Dean first, and then actually cook, so, why don’t you go grab a book from Cas’ room. Or, mine? I’ve got some.” Sam said.

Gabriel nodded and headed off, knocking on Cas’ door. He must have read the books a thousand times, after having all night to read them every night, and this time his boredom must have won, because he was asleep, dozing on top of the sheets.

For some reason it startled him, and he grabbed a book at random and exited swiftly. Once he got back to the kitchen, Sam said something, but he didn’t answer, and so Sam walked over to him. He put a hand on his shoulder, and Gabriel snapped out of it, making eye contact with him.

“What happened?”

“He’s asleep. I didn’t think- is he ok?” Gabriel asked.

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry, he’s alright. He says sometimes it’s just nice to sleep a little while. He’ll be up in no time.” Sam said.

Gabriel nodded and took a seat in their cold metal kitchen, trying not to fade into his own head, and instead opening the book. He did eventually stop retreading the same page to take in details, and actually progressed in the fantasy.

By the time he looked up Sam had a plate in front of him, and was putting a cup of tea beside it. Gabriel put his book down and smiled thankfully, as Sam sat down across from him, and before he could say a word, his eyes landed on an awkward scene.

“You can go first.” Dean motioned, both Cas and himself standing near touching in the doorway. Cas rubbed his neck and nodded, walking in, while Dean followed, eyeing his barely there bedhead.

It wasn’t much messier than usual, but Dean must be able to tell the difference, something in and of itself amusing. Sam snorted and gave Gabriel a look, and Gabriel didn’t even open his mouth. Sure, he guessed, but it was different that Sam knew as well.

“I smell coffee and bacon.” Dean said groggily.

“Yeah, and eat the eggs too. You don’t need pancakes.” Sam said. Dean huffed before he could grab the pancake mix, and went to the coffee maker.

“So, Gabriel, I was thinking we could go into town, and get you some clothes, since you’re wearing ours and they don’t really fit. And some books, and gadgets. Whatever. For a room of your own. If you want.” Dean said. Gabriel was stunned for a moment. It was one of, if not the kindest offer Dean had ever given him.

“Yeah, yes. I’d like that.” Gabriel said.

“Alright, just finish up and go hit the shower, and then we can head out.” Dean said. Gabriel nodded, and piled more eggs onto his fork.

* * *

The shower proved more difficult than he thought. They stripped him of his bandages and he got in. The dial to turn from hot to cold was confusing, but Cas turned it on for him. And then he bathed. And it both felt great and stung pretty bad on his cuts.

He was doing fine, just enjoying the hot water, until he wasn’t. It was suddenly freezing, and he was shot back to one of the torture rooms. The one where they water boarded him with freezing water. Or rather, just stuck his head under until it burned, not from lack of oxygen, he didn’t really need it at the time, but from the bitter cold.

His eyeballs burned in their sockets and his lips felt frozen. And then they’d yank him back up. He’s be free for a brief moment. And they’d ask if he was ready to pick a side. To pick Lucifer. It was early on, when that was still a problem.

“It’ll take more than some ice to get me to rebel, bucko.” He would grin. And then he was back under, but not before they rammed his forehead into the side of the metal tub.

He was teetering on the edge of losing himself, in his memories. He felt tears coming, but as he fumbled with the damn handle it just wouldn’t go hot, no matter which way he turned it, and he couldn’t breathe.

“Someone!” He yelled, not really caring who. He just wanted out, and he was physically freezing, both from temperature, and movement. He couldn’t get out of the water.

A minute must have passed but eventually it was Sam who came in, thinking he needed to be re-bandaged. As soon as he heard the loud breathing he knocked on the wall, and Gabriel must have said something, or maybe just whimpered, because there was a hand reaching in, and turning the dial hot, and Gabriel finally felt like he could breathe again.

Sam let him calm down, thankfully not saying anything, or joking because he freaked out and turned the dial to freezing when it went cold for a minute. After there was more steam gathered in the room than before, he reached in and turned it off.

“Do you want some help?” Sam asked.

Gabriel didn’t want to say yes. He wanted to cock a smile and say ‘you just want to see me naked’ but instead he hiccuped and tears sprang to his eyes, and Sam opened the curtain.

He handed Gabriel one towel to cover himself with, while Sam dried him for the most part with another. Then he sat him down on the toilet seat and crouched in front of him, which really shouldn’t have been so close to being face to face, but Sam was huge, and he was small.

He didn’t ask what happened. He didn’t want an explanation or to make a joke. He just hesitated, before putting a hand on his knee and speaking.

“You going to be ok?” Sam asked. Gabriel couldn’t even help it, he grabbed Sams hand and squeezed it for a moment, before taking a huge breath and nodding.

“Sorry.” He said, but Sam shook his head.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. We all have had some form of ptsd. We get it- I get it.” Sam said. So Gabriel nodded again, and wiped at his eyes.

“Can you do the bandages?” He asked. Sam gave him a smile, that wasn’t from pity, he was just glad that Gabriel had spoken.

“Course. Hold still.” Sam said, going to grab the kit from under the sink.

* * *

The ride to the store was uneventful, Cas sitting in the back with him as he stared out the window. When they got to the store, he realized he had no idea what to really get.

Before, when it was just a matter of vessel, clothing wasn’t important. Then, he chose what was comfortable, or fashionable. Never really both. But now, he had to have both, because he would be wearing them in public potentially, but also every day. Dean read his mind.

“Plaid is kind of tight, but it’s always comfortable, if you get the right one.” He spoke up.

“And, we can always get you some proper pajamas, and hang around clothes, so you don’t have to dress up. Dean wears his robe half the time if we’re not going out.” Sam said.

“A robe?” Gabriel said.

“Yeah, you want one?” Sam asked. And yes, he really did. He wouldn’t have to carry the blanket with him anymore. He could just wear it.

He nodded and they set off, going towards pajamas first, while Cas pushed a cart. Dean looked at him funny, and Gabriel scrunched his eyebrows.

“You’re limping.” Dean said. Gabriel looked down at his feet. He hadn’t really noticed.

“They hurt.”

“Maybe you need some shoes, I mean, maybe Cas’ feet are smaller than yours? We did only have the one pair of tennis shoes to give him Dean.” Sam said, looking from him to his brother. Dean sighed and nodded.

“Alright, well first, socks, underwear, pajamas. Cas, you find the underwear, he’s probably one size smaller than you. And Sam, you go grab some socks that aren’t freakishly huge.” Dean said.

“What are you going to do?” Cas asked.

“We’re going to get a robe. I know a good robe.” Dean said.

Everyone nodded, and with it settled, Gabriel followed Dean through the pajamas until they were met with a rack of four different robes. Two were towel-like, and quickly Gabriel knew he didn’t like the scratchy feel. One didn’t have his size, all huge. But one was perfect. It was fuzzy, and small enough for him. Dean bit his lip.

“You know that’s purple right? I mean, that’s a women’s robe.” Dean said. Gabriel shrugged.

“Plenty of chest room.” He mumbled.

“You know- alright. If that’s what you want man.” Dean said, cracking a smile. He lead him back towards the pajamas, and Cas met him with the cart.

“You found one.” Cas said.

“Yep, it’s what he wanted. Now we got to find some t-shirts, and pants.” Dean said. Sam already had him covered.

“Guys, over here.” He called. They followed the sound a few aisles over, and found him by the clothing racks, holding up green and white plaid pants.

“These should fit. I think. And there’s some red ones.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded and took them, and Dean turned and grabbed a couple of medium white shirts off the shelf.

“Alright, now, on to the more important stuff.” Dean said.

He lead them through rack after rack, searching out jeans that fit and t-shirts, and plaid. By the time he had tried on everything, he had enough for a small closet, and had to take in eight items at a time. They were about to leave, with sweaters, plaids, and jeans, as it was nearing two in the afternoon. But before they could head out the door, Gabriel stopped and looked down at his feet.

“Shoes.”

“Right. Cas, you think you can take him back while we load this stuff up?” Dean asked.

“Of course. I’ll need money.” Cas said. Dean fished out his wallet and handed him a card.

“Alright, get him like, some boots? Something sturdy, like we wear.” Dean said. Cas nodded and they headed back in, going towards the back. As soon as they found the shoes, Gabriel’s thoughts of nice, sturdy boot, flew out the window.

“Look at those.” Gabriel pointed, looking towards a pair of high ankle converses.

“We should probably do what Dean said... but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you got those too.” Cas said. Gabriel grinned, and Cas figured it was worth it.

As they finally checked out, and headed out of the store, Dean pulled up beside the curb to let them in. Once they were seated, Sam swung his head back, and turned to Gabriel.

“I said we should hit the sandwich shop down in town for lunch. You probably can’t handle greasy burgers yet. Deans not happy about it but he’ll deal.” Sam said.

Dean rolled his eyes and Gabriel cracked a smile. There had obviously been an argument. He kind of wished he could have seen it. They were treading lightly around him, enough not to yell at least. Not that it wasn’t appreciated, but he did wonder what they were like normally. Probably more like brothers. More like he could be with Cas now.

As they headed into the sandwich shop, Dean ordered damn near every meat on the counter on his monster sandwich, and Sam ordered damn near every veggie with meatballs. Cas picked a BLT sub, and Gabriel stuck with turkey, lettuce, and cheese.

They all sat down at the small booth, where Sam let him sit in the corner, and sat down beside him, which was actually more comforting than he probably knew. Being behind a giant, it felt safer. There, they ate, until Gabriel couldn’t take anymore. He ordered a foot long, and that was a mistake, as he couldn’t finish the six inch half. Still, Sam just shook his head and said they’d save it for later.

After they stored the sandwich in the trunk, next to a bag of ice, because Cas was concerned about the meat getting too hot and going bad, they headed a little out of town, to a bigger store. They had furniture, and books, and toys, and clothes. Anything he could need for his room.

“What did you have in mind for your room?” Dean asked.

“Nudie posters.” Gabriel blurred out. Sam choked and Cas’ eyes got wide, like he thought he was serious. Dean grinned like a smug bastard.

“Sorry- I didn’t mean to-”

“No, it’s good. We’re getting you back.” Dean said. Gabriel gave him a tiny smile. Maybe they were.

“I-If that’s what you want, we could, um, maybe-” Sam tried, regaining his awkwardness after the laughter.

“No, really. I didn’t mean it.” Gabriel said. Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, I did not want to go to a sex shop today.” Sam said. Gabriel grinned, looking away as he turned red.

“Let’s go to the books first.” Cas said, breaking the tension. Gabriel nodded quickly, and they headed off.

He picked out four books, which was a start, with how slow he read. Next was furniture, and he already knew if it was his own room, he wanted a lamp and a small heater. Nothing that would make the room steam like Deans.

They picked out a heating pad instead, and told him it had a timer to go off after two hours, so he didn’t have to worry about starting an accidental fire or waking up in a sweat. Next was a nice lamp, a small, white porcelain thing, with a small chain to pull to turn it on and off. For some reason he liked it, and Sam put one of the boxes in the cart.

“Ok, now... seriously, is there anything you want to put on your wall?” Dean asked. Gabriel didn’t think there was, but there was some things he wanted.

“I want... a noise maker. And a blanket of my own. And some soap?” Gabriel said. Sam almost looked sad, when he realized that’s all Gabriel wanted. Basic things. He still spoke up.

“We’ll get all that anyway. Is there something you really want, that you never got to have? Because of some... job title, or whatever? Being an angel? Cas liked sandwiches. I mean is there something you like?” Sam asked. And the thought actually hit him, that he hadn’t been able to do one thing in years. Many, many years.

“A sketch book. And some charcoal.” Gabriel said. Sam gave him a smile and waved his arm.

“Let’s go check out the art stuff then.” He said. Gabriel smiled and let Sam lead the way, since he had no idea where he was going.

They picked out a huge set of colored pencils, a nice sketch book, and a box of stick charcoal. Next, they got him bubblegum kids toothpaste, because he said he wanted to remember candy, a motorized toothbrush, and some nice lavender soap. Finally, they headed back to bedding essentials, and a blanket caught his eye.

It was stupid. It was a huge white fuzzy thing, with bright yellow pineapples on it. And to match, if you bought the blanket, you got a discount off the pineapple wall hang. That’s all it was, a wooden pineapple with a cord on the back to hang it. And Gabriel loved them both.

“I- can we- I need these.” Gabriel said firmly. Dean huffed a laugh and waved his hand, and Cas put them both in the cart.

“Ok, and a noise maker. Hang on, you- you don’t have a phone. You could play millions of night sounds and music on a phone.” Dean said.

“Oh.” He said, because he hadn’t really thought anything about it.

“You were around when the iPhone came out, right? I think you were.” Dean said. Gabriel nodded. He remembered something about that in the back of his mind.

“Well, they’re much more advanced now. Dean, you have to pay for the phone in the electronics department. So why don’t you just check out and figure out how to load this stuff into the car and I’ll take him?” Sam said.

“Right. Cas, you want to help me out?” Dean asked.

“Of course.” He said, following Dean immediately. As they got out of earshot, Gabriel spoke up.

“Are they- um...” he didn’t want to offend Sam, for once. If he was wrong it might make things awkward. Sam just chuckled though.

“Yeah, and maybe they’ll figure that out one day.” Sam said. Gabriel chuckled and nodded.

“So, what color phone do you want? They have black, white, gold, and like, this rose gold? So kind of pink. Or if you don’t want an iPhone you can always pick something you’re familiar with, but the iPhones have the sound and music.” Sam said.

Gabriel nodded. He didn’t particularly want white or black. Too close to being pure. Reminding him of possession and grace. It was upsetting how just colors triggered memories. 

Sam waved towards the phones, and a gold one caught his eye. He stared at it, before starting to swipe across it, and figuring out how to get to music. He figure the store named ‘tunes’ had something. Sam stepped in.

“Here, look up night sounds. And, yeah. There are a few hundred results.” Sam said. He clicked on a few, hearing crickets, frogs, and rain, before nodding.

“This one. Can it find pictures, like the computer? I could sketch them.” Gabriel said.

“Oh yeah! I’ll show you. But first, let’s get you one of your own. You sure you want the iPhone six? It’s kind of small. They have a few more up from that.” Sam said.

“I have small hands.” Gabriel said. Sam chuckled.

“Do you?” He asked.

He held up his hand, and Gabriel held up his. He pressed them together, and he was right, Sams hands were giant. He turned red when he realized they’d been like that probably far too long. He had always had a tiny crush on Sam, and Sam either knew and didn’t care, or was oblivious. He just chuckled and took his hand down.

He picked out a memory plan, and waved over an employee, who unlocked the case, and gave him the phone. They checked out, and headed to the door, as Sam opened it. He messed with it all the way back to the bunker, and finally, handed it over as Dean and Cas unloaded the car.

“Ok, so, to find photos, you click the internet here, and just search like on a computer. And to take pictures, that’s there.” Sam pointed. Gabriel clicked the camera and held it up.

“Like this?” He asked.

“Yeah- wait. Are you taking a picture of you or me?” Sam chuckled.

“Oh, you. Do I need a picture of me?” He asked. Sam smiled and Gabriel hit the button.

“Not if you don’t want one. But some people love taking pictures of themselves. They actually got it in the dictionary, it’s called taking a ‘selfie’. But you don’t have to.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded and tucked the phone away.

“I can help.” Gabriel said, grabbing the blanket from the trunk, along with his sandwich. He chucked the ice out, and balled up the trashed bag in his fist.

“Alright, come on. We can put it all on the table while Dean deep cleans your new room.” Sam said.

“Dean cleans?” Gabriel spoke up.

“Oh yeah, he’s the pickiest about the dishes in the kitchen and making the beds. I think if he could he would have dusted this entire place, but we’d probably choke on it all in the air before that happened.” Sam said. Gabriel smiled and nodded, letting Sam lead him in.

As they piled stuff on the table, Dean places the bag of art supplies in his hands. He held it close to his chest, and nodded his thanks. Dean just nodded back, and went to get more clothes.

“What would you like to do until your room is ready?” Cas asked, putting down some clothes.

“I want you to stand still.” Gabriel said honestly. Cas nodded and sat down in a chair across from him.

“Look that way.” Gabriel said, pulling out his charcoal and book.

“Of course.” Cas smiled, before turning his head. Gabriel set to work.

* * *

By the time Dean had everything in the bathroom scrubbed, the bed stripped of seventy year old sheets and pillows, vacuumed, and remade, the floor swept, and the walls and side table dusted, it was nearing dinner time. Sam said they could have chicken and rice, and as much as Gabriel wanted to finish his sandwich, he agreed.

After they ate, Sam grabbed an extension cord, and a pile of clothes, and lead to way to his new room. It was right across from Cas’. They entered and it looked blank. There was a bed against the wall coming in, and a bathroom in the corner. The closet was located by the door, not very deep. Nothing to customize it yet. Gabriel smiled.

“I need a nail, and a hammer. And some tape.” Gabriel said.

“Right, I’ll get it.” Dean said, heading off. Cas sat down his pile of clothes, and looked towards to closet.

“We should hang these.” Cas said. Sam agreed and tore open a package of hangers they had bought. He handed a few to Cas, and they set to work, while Dean came back with the hammer and nail box.

“Tape?” Gabriel asked.

Dean fished it from his back pocket, and handed it over. Quickly, Gabriel went to his sketch book and carefully tore out the page. He stuck the tape to the very top, and hung it somewhat proudly up on the wall, across from his bed, where he could see it.

“That’s very nice.” Cas said.

“Yeah, it’s a hell of a sketch. How long did this take? Just before dinner?” Dean asked. Gabriel nodded and Deans eyes widened, and his eyebrows raised.

“That really is amazing. Maybe you can do me next.” Sam said, nudging his shoulder. Gabriel smiled and dipped his head.

“So, the nail, right here.” Gabriel pointed. He stuck his finger just lower than he could stretch, and Dean put a nail there.

“Back up.” He said, before starting to hammer in the nail. Gabriel jumped and both Sam and Cas put a hand on each of his shoulders. He nodded that he was ok, and shrugged them off, smiling.

“Where’s the pineapple?” Gabriel asked.

“It might be out on the table.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded and headed out into the hallway, making his way to the main room.

He almost reached the table when a searing pain shot through his foot, and he stumbled. He fell to the ground, and grabbed at it, and looked himself over. It was a piece of glass. He had glass in his foot. It was the pain that did it.

He was rocketed back to the way they burned him. At the time he could still heal. They branded him with hot iron, and it burned through his flesh, before being there a couple of days, and disappearing. That was around the time they decided they needed to take action on how to make sure he didn’t heal.

They started using special weapons, instead of the hot iron. Things that he couldn’t heal. Not nearly quick enough. Then they started grace draining. Just a bit at a time, so he could feel the loss every day. And the worst part was it was for fun.

After Lucifer, they just kept him. He heard Crowley took over, but he didn’t care for arch angels. In fact, he wanted nothing to do with them, him. So he threw him to Asmodeus. And shit, there was so much blood pouring from his foot, and someone was inching closer, so slowly it was painful to watch, and he shut his eyes.

“Go away!” He screamed. And then there were more of them, and he shook his head, because that couldn’t be right, and people were calling him.

“Shit, there was glass on that damn box of nails in storage. I thought I got it all off.”

“It’s barely a scratch, I can heal him if he sits still.”

“I don’t think it’s the pain doing it. He’s kind of... gone. He probably can’t even hear us. It’s happened to me.”

But he could hear them. And he was confused. And they sounded worried. Why were they worried again? Right, he was safe. He was with his brother, and the boys.

“He’s here- he’s-” Gabriel tried.

“There’s no other presence here.” Cas spoke softly. It didn’t make sense, he SAW him, he felt it. He felt it. Why did he feel anything? He was safe. He didn’t feel anything. He was safe. It was memories. He was safe.

“Real.” He mumbled, looking at his hands. He didn’t feel real. He didn’t feel present. He was still in his head.

“Make it stop!” He yelled.

And then there were arms around him, pulling him in, and they felt warm, and safe, and he just went along. He was pulled against someone’s chest, while his brother stooped in front of him. His brother. Cas was here. He was safe.

“I’m going to force the glass out and heal the cut. It will only take a moment.” Cas said slowly.

He somewhat comprehended he was going to heal him, so he just nodded, and watched as grace light seeped around the skin. He jerked away but it was already done. The glass was out. There was... no blood. Just a few drops. Where did it go?

“All the blood-”

“It’s not real. You imagined it. Just keep saying it, you’re safe.” He said. Sam. He was sitting between Sams legs. Had he been saying it out loud? Must have been.

“Safe. Real. Safe.” Gabriel whimpered.

“Thats right, we’re real. And you got to take this to feel better, and really see that.” Dean said, approaching with a glass of water and a pill bottle.

“Drugs- you’re drugging me!”

“Whoa- no. Here, read it. Look it’s... it’s mine, alright?” Dean mumbled, handing over the bottle. He wasn’t lying. Prescribed to Winchester, Dean, Klonopin. Anti-anxiety. It would help him calm down.

“Here, let me.” Dean said, taking the bottle and opening it.

He shook out a tablet and stuck it in Gabriel’s shaking palm. Without word, he took the water, and swallowed it, somewhat already calming from just the water.

Sam rubbed his arms, and it felt too much like being grabbed, so he shrugged away. Instead he let Sam just hold out a hand, where he could hold it, and leaned back against his chest.

“Are you alright?” Cas asked. They all took seats on the floor with him, and he took a few deep breaths.

“I’m... I feel... out of body. Like I’m without a vessel.” Gabriel said.

“I’m sure it was your... Sam?” Dean questioned.

“Anxiety. Or disassociation. He was doing both pretty hard.”

“Right, it’s probably that. But Cas can check and see if you’re... still connected to your vessel. Right?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded and reached out a hand. Gabriel took it shakily and he felt energy go through him, but it was intentionally soothing, and brought him back down even more.

“You’re fine. You could probably do with some sleep. Why don’t you try that?” Cas asked.

“N-No, I’m- don’t want to... see him again.” Gabriel murmured.

“Then I can come with you.” Dean spoke up.

“Yes, or me.” Cas said.

“Or me. Any of us will stay with you.” Sam added.

Gabriel finally nodded and Sam stood, picking him up with a scoop that Gabriel didn’t see coming. They all followed him, and Dean opened Gabriel’s new bedroom door. They had set up the lamp already, and the pineapple blanket was on the bed. The clothes were up.

“How long-” Gabriel started.

“You were gone about ten minutes before we thought something had to be wrong.” Sam said.

Gabriel nodded and Sam put him down, letting him burrow under the covers. He climbed in after him, and Cas got on his other side. Dean barely got on the bed behind Cas.

“Go to sleep. We’ll be here when you wake up. I mean, at least one of us. We might take turns.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded and buried his face in the mattress.

“Sorry.” He said quietly.

They all said various versions of how he didn’t need to say sorry, before he drifted off.

* * *

In the next few weeks, he started to get better. It wasn’t instant, but he was sleeping, which was good. Having his own safe space seemed to help. At one point they were watching a movie, and in got too loud, and he retreated. He came out later with sketches of alpacas and dolphins.

After that, he asked to sketch Dean, while he was cleaning a gun. Dean just agreed and set back to work. By the time he was finished, he had to admit Gabriel had done a perfect job. But before he could tell him to go wash up for dinner, he was off to draw Sam.

They returned right on time as he finished cooking, with a new sketch, of Sam reading. He praised it, and Gabriel went to hang it on his wall, before coming out to eat.

“Hey, you want to cut up the cucumber for the salad Sam wants? It’s the last step. I got to serve up the chicken.” Dean said.

So Gabriel grabbed a knife, and the cutting board, and set to work. Of course, he always was too cocky. He started slicing faster, and the knife just slipped, and with a short breath there was a cut on his finger. Dean saw and turned quickly to address it, but Gabriel took slow breaths and didn’t look at it.

“I-I’m fine. Um... I’m bleeding.” He said, unsure. Dean quickly moved him towards the sink and turned on the warm water, moving his hand under it.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Just... let’s not talk about it.” Gabriel said.

Dean nodded and fished out a kit from under the sink, and really, did they have med packs everywhere? He pulled out a bandaid, and dried Gabriel’s finger with a paper towel, before sticking it on. He squeezed his fingers for a moment, trying to keep it from bleeding.

“I’m... I’m glad you’re- I mean I’m... proud, that...”

“You’re proud of me?”

“Yeah, shut up.” Dean said, letting go of his hand and going back to his skillet.

“Thanks Dean-o.” Gabriel said quietly. He saw the corners of Deans lips raise at the long unused name.

“You’re welcome, ya’ sap. Now go get everybody. It’s time to eat.” Dean said.

Gabriel headed off, and rounded up the others. He sat down to wait in the main hall, at the long table, where he’d grown to like eating. Cas sat down beside him, as he flipped past his home screen on his phone to find a game to play while he waited.

“Is that Sam?” He asked. Gabriel didn’t really think before he answered.

“Yeah. You’re my lock screen, but he’s the home.” He said.

“Gabriel.”

“What?”

“Gabriel...” Cas said again, more patiently, and he sort of realized what he was implying.

“It’s nothing!”

“If you say so. I do think... it’s alright. If it is... something.” He said. Gabriel chewed his lip for a minute before answering.

“Then why aren’t you with Dean?” He asked. Cas sighed and looked away.

“He likes you. Sam and I talk about it.” Gabriel said quietly. Cas scrunched his eyebrows.

“That cant be right-” he started, but Sam sat down, and Cas’ mouth clicked shut.

“Did I interrupt?” Sam asked. Gabriel looked away, while Cas thought very hard on how to word his question.

“What do you know of Deans level of interest in me?” Cas asked. Sams eyes widened.

“Well, I mean, Cas, that’s something you need to ask him. It would be kind of rude of me to say anything.” Sam said. Cas nodded.

“Maybe I’ll ask later.” Cas said. Sam grinned.

“Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.” He agreed.

After that, Cas got up to tell Dean he did need some food in his system, which Dean didn’t question. He just handed him a plate and said to get as much as he wanted. Meanwhile, he carried a few dishes out to Sam and Gabriel, both with saucy chicken and salad. He went back to get his own, and Gabriel cleared his throat.

“About what Cas said. I didn’t, I mean- I asked, but-”

“Hey, it’s ok. If this blows up in our faces it’ll be both our faults. I haven’t exactly been subtle towards pushing Dean to do something about it. And you just... gave your brother a nudge.” Sam said. Gabriel nodded, glad he wasn’t in any trouble. Then Sam said something surprised him.

“You know... I didn’t know I was your home screen.” He said quietly. Gabriel choked on his drink.

“I-I didn’t- I meant-” Gabriel stammered. He couldn’t get the words out. His skin felt too hot, and he suddenly couldn’t breathe. He stood up to leave, but Sam ran after him, grabbing his arm gently enough not to startle him.

“Easy. It’s ok. I understand.” Sam said. And for some reason that just made him angry.

“Is it fine? Are you just- just going to put up with it?! Tolerate it? That’s not fine. Or are you-” Gabriel stopped, taking a deep breath. He hadn’t actually gotten angry at all since getting to the bunker.

“Are you ok?” Sam asked sincerely. Gabriel nodded.

“I-I’m... overwhelmed.” Gabriel admitted. Sam nodded and slipped his hand from Gabriel’s elbow, down to his hand, with the bandaid on his finger. He held it there for a minute, making Gabriel seize up.

“I’m not tolerating anything. I’m... agreeing with it. If that’s ok.” Sam said. And Gabriel realized what he meant, and his heart pounded, jumping into his throat, and he was sure his hand was getting sweaty, so he just nodded.

“Come back and eat. We can talk about it later, if you want. Or we don’t have to, if you don’t want some grand explanation. We can just... see what happens?” Sam suggested. Gabriel nodded again.

“That sounds good.” He choked out.

“Ok, yeah, great.” Sam said, dropping his hand to rub his neck. He motioned towards the food, and Gabriel sat back down, picking up his fork. Things sure did get complicated fast around here.

* * *

It was about midnight when Sam and Gabriel heard the telltale sound of shouting, followed by complete silence. Then a door shutting, and someone’s back hitting it most likely. Sam turned up the tv a bit, and cleared his throat.

“Just in case.” Sam chuckled. Gabriel nodded.

“I should probably head to bed.” Gabriel spoke up.

“Right, of course. Um, have a good night.” He said somewhat awkwardly, standing up with him. Gabriel was about to leave, when a thought popped into his head, and damn him if he wasn’t going to do it now, because he would lose the courage later.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

Gabriel spun around and grabbed his t-shirt collar, pulling him down to meet his lips. Sam initially wanted to panic, to say if he’s not ready they don’t have to do this, but Gabriel was smiling, and he just relaxed.

“Ok. That happened.” Sam chuckled.

“Yeah. I just wanted to.” He said quietly. Sam nodded.

“Alright. Goodnight.” Sam chuckled.

Gabriel dipped his head, smiling and headed out into the hall, smiling. He leaned against the bedroom door, feeling his chest hammering, and for once feeling good about it. Then he looked over, and realized Cas was in a similar state at Deans door.

“Did you?” Gabriel asked.

“No. We just... kissed.” Cas said breathlessly.

Gabriel could see the hickey on Cas’ neck already, because his shirt was half unbuttoned. Gabriel snorted and laughed. Cas joined in. Gabriel thought he had never seen him happier.

* * *

“Knock knock.” Dean said, tapping on Gabriel’s door. Gabriel rolled his eyes at how cheerful Dean sounded and put down his book. It had been a week and he still had his head in the clouds.

“Come in.” He called.

“Hello Gabriel.” Cas said, entering first, carrying a rather large box on his own. Dean entered after him, with a box of cables and a drill.

“What’s going on?” Gabriel asked.

“You mind reading in Sams room or something? We’re gonna set you up this tv here.” Dean said.

“What? Where?” Gabriel asked.

“On the dresser.” Cas said.

“What dresser?”

“Dean, I can’t move this dresser on my own!” Sam yelled from down the hall.

“Sure you can!”

“No? You carried it half way with me and then ran off to get cables. It’s not moving.” Sam said. Dean grumbled and pointed at Gabriel.

“You think you’ll enjoy this?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. Does it have netflix?” He asked.

“It can. Go on, go relax. We’ll be done in... two hours.” Dean said.

“Dean, the instructions are in Bulgarian!” Sam called.

“Three hours. Go on!” Dean said cheerfully. Gabriel chuckled and got up, grabbing his book.

“Don’t take down my pineapple or my pictures unless you’re going to put them back.” Gabriel said. Dean clicked his tongue and Gabriel headed out, seeing Sam half way to his room.

“I would help but... I’ve still got cuts that would open if I lifted that.” Gabriel said. Sam shook his head with a huff of laughter and walked over, grabbing Gabriel and pulling him in to kiss his forehead.

“Just relax, I understand. Deans just in too good of a mood to care.” Sam chuckled.

“At least it’s a good thing.” Gabriel smiled, opening Sams bedroom door and plopping down on the bed, as Sam continued to slide the box along the floor inch by inch.

* * *

By nightfall, Gabriel was sitting in front of his new tv, flipping channels and eating stroopwafels, a treat Cas had picked out at the store for him. The caramel reminded him of his sweet tooth, and he loved every bite.

Curious, he selected a cooking show, something with Gordon Ramsey. He was going to change it, after all he saw was yelling, but then one quote caught his attention.

“I just want more pumpkin!”

“Right, I’ll get you more pumpkin. I’ll ram it right up your fucking arse. Would you like it whole or diced?”

Gabriel choked. He actually coughed and sputtered before bursting into laughter, then tears, because damn it, this guy took no shit and it was hilarious. He must have been practically wailing from how loud he was, because almost immediately three men stood in his doorway, looking at him with concern.

“Holy shit, come watch this dude.” Gabriel blurred out. Sam chuckled and tilted his head, looking at Dean. He nodded and they all piled onto the bed. He rewound it, and they all laughed.

“I think that’s the happiest you’ve been since getting here.” Sam said.

“It’s... the happiest in a long time.” Gabriel said, briefly reminded of how truly unhappy he had been as an angel in hiding. How cocky he had been, to put on a show. He let the thoughts dissolve, as Sam wrapped an arm around him, and Dean did the same to Cas.

“Sam, can you take a- uh- selfie? Your arms are longest.” Gabriel said, handing over his phone.

Sam chuckled and held up the phone, getting all of them in the shot. As he snapped the photo, Gabriel laughed. Just laughed. Because he was happy. He really was.

“Will you guys stay and watch?” He asked.

“Cas, you want to?” Dean asked.

“Of course.” He said.

“Then I’m in.” Dean said.

“I’ll stay too.” Sam said, grinning.

Gabriel grinned right back. He was content for the time being. There would be bumps, as he healed, but he was ready for it. With everyone beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make this longer, but it just finished, and I thought I had written way more then I had. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, however brief. :p
> 
> I really like this, so... tell me where I could take this, if you want more. Some new situation Gabriel has to face, or maybe something he has to physically fight.


End file.
